Napping with my furry child
..but I am very active in my son’s life, so as his school winds down, I suddenly find myself suffering from exhaustion. I am falling asleep in the afternoon (which I NEVER do), I am getting ready for bed at 9 pm (which I NEVER do) and I feel like crap day long (which I USUALLY do), but even more so than usual.
We actually had a night “off” last night because of an overnight school trip that Luke went on. I have to say, as much as I missed him, it was fantastic! I fell asleep on the couch when he would normally be home after school. John and I went out for dinner, came home and watched Curb Your Enthusiasm, and then went to sleep. It was about 10 o’clock when the lights went out. That was one amazing night.
The one thing that I am learning about myself from this, is that I put way too much energy into parenting. Obviously, you should do your best, but when you sacrifice yourself (and sometimes your relationship with your spouse ), there’s something wrong with that picture. I love my child so much, but I know I need to take care of my own well being a bit more. I believe the cliche about having a happy wife/mother/spouse is equal to a happy home.
A friend of mine recently told me a story that eerily rang true to my own experience. Her kids told her that she never smiles. Funny (or sadly?) enough, that’s also something I’ve heard from the mouth of my own child (and husband too). In our defence, it’s not because we are unhappy. It’s because we spend all of our time worrying about the family, taking care of the home, the cooking, arranging play dates, shuttling them to and from their after school activities, etc etc.. We just take this job too seriously and I know we need to lighten up a little.
With the end of every school year, it just feels like time is passing me by so quickly. My son is growing up so fast, and at eight years old, I know he needs more space and more independence, and I’m fine with that. It’s a bit trickier when you have an only child because you are, without a doubt, able to give them more of your attention. I suppose it’s even a curse because you have no other little person to channel all that parenting energy into. Poor only child.
I am definitely making the effort to be more at ease, to smile and laugh more. It does feel good to let go and in the process I am beginning to rediscover myself, and I think I like what I see.
